Red Compound
Posted in Uncategorized by admin
on June 29, 2011
The Celebrity Sunglasses Addiction Explained
One thing about celebrities is that they never seem to leave home without their trusty pair of designer sunglasses. Yes, that includes being indoors, out in the middle of the night, or even at their favourite night club. They have become best buds, impossible to separate. In fact, given the Spears / Hilton incidents of late, celebrities are now more likely to leave home with a pair of shades than with underwear.
Confused? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:
- So they don’t get recognised. You can’t expect these poor celebrity types to get recognised by mobs of insane fans every time they go down the local shops can you? Eggheads and quacks alike agree that our brains are programmed to recognise other human faces mainly via their eyes. Obviously those celebrities who wear sunglasses everywhere have researched this fact and acted accordingly. These guys are smarther than you might think!
- So they do get recognised. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Some resort to wearing the most ridiculous attention seeking bug-eyed goggles. Some celebrities have actually built their entire personal image around their specs. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the mens glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
- As a defence against camera flashes. The number one predator of the simple celebrity is the vicious and merciless paparazzi – its natural for celebrities to think about defending themselves. The bigger the celebrity, the more of these deadly adversaries will congregate around them. One of their chief weapons is their enormous flashing bulbs, used to temporarily blind their prey and gradually weaken their already damaged eyeballs (see point 5). Sunglasses are in fact a crucial evolutionary defence against this threat.
- To hide their wrinkly bags/bloodshot eyes/drunken makeup. You may not have thought it, but this is in actual fact a measure to protect us, the general public. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we’d be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies’ glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Yep, it’s the truth folks.
- Drugs make the sunlight hurt. The intense responsibility and pressure that society places on the celebrity species leads them inevitibly to drug abuse. Substances such as tetrahydrocanabinol and opiates cause the pupils to dilate. Mere daylight, even behind a cloud, can cause some serious pain to afflicted celebrities. Have a heart and let them wear their shades.
I hope now I’ve made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.
Compound Red – “J HatesToo” December 23,2006
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